Tips to Prevent Adolescence Suicide - Ambiguous Preferences Part-8

“Lack of cordial relations amongst families is driving my teenagers towards ills and evil way of life” My dear Ezine readers, first of all I pray to the almighty to rest the souls of all those adults, adolescence and teenagers who had lost their lives in what I call it a “Mad Man’s Venture” of senseless shooting in Virginia University campus on 17 April 2007. How would you define the above incidence is left to you?

While dwelling on the rising occurrences of criminal assaults on unarmed and innocent people, I would also touch up on the Ambiguous Preferences set of my teenagers. The role of society, family and environment in making the future of our teenagers and adolescence directionless is generally attributed to the final Career Preferences Choice (CPC) of parents. I have observed that the present materialistic approach has neither grown teenager to be good citizens nor fine social being. While interacting and discussing teenagers’ ambition with large number of them, I learnt that:

• One; nearly 80% teenagers are satisfied what they intent to achieve;
• Two; over 15% teenagers were found to be hyper ambitious;
• Three; over 2.8% teenagers were found to be super hyper ambitious. They wanted to achieve what they wish to become;
• Four; only 2% of them are non concern about their future and ambition; and
• Five, barely .2% teenagers have reflected timorous, shy and timid approach.

How Ezine readers identify themselves with my views is the true matter but how my

views would be able to save large numbers of teenager’s lives matters most? The readers would agree that we stand united in my mission of preventing adolescence and teenagers’ from committing suicide and our objectives are to make year 2007 suicide free year. As I discussed about identifying Ambition for a teenager, the parents are requested to analyze Could, Would, Should or Must (CWSM) approach for their teenagers.

What I mean with Ambiguous Preferences (AP) is that:

· One; parents are unable to draw a defined line of choice for their teenagers careers;

· Two; parents also fail to analyze and examine the capabilities of their teenagers, thus, leaving them without defined line of choice and void to be fulfilled by teenagers. I have observed that most of the teenagers have been going astray and continued to slog for over years to achieve opportunity successes;

· Three; parents feel more committed in earning their livelihood and providing the comfort, ease and basic happiness amenities to their wards rather than guiding their wards future in correct perspective. It is not as to how much comforts you have provide to your wards; but it matters most as to what guidance and directions you offered them when they needed;

· Four: both parents and teenagers remain indecisive about their future career selection till they are in 11th/12th standard; and by this time, the time for preparation has already reduced considerably for making groundwork for getting admission in the stream and choice of their career, thus, causing frustration, stress and strain on teenagers, thereby leading and driving them towards suicide when encountered with failures.

· Five; though professionals like doctors, lawyers, businessmen and others are quite clear as to what they want to make their teenagers; but most of the parents such as government officials, Army and armed forces, paramilitary including state Police officers, juniors commission officers and other ranks relatively remain indecisive as to what should their teenagers do after passing 10th standard? My regular interaction with a large number of couples has revealed that both mother and father have different predilection and choices. The decision of teenager’s line of education is being decided by the dominant members in the family. If mother is dominant, than child would be following the line which her/his mother advocates, otherwise he goes with the will of father. This trauma often puts my teenagers under duress, stress and strain.

Now days, though large numbers of parent are leaving their teenagers free to select and pursue the line of education of their own choice. Despite of allowing the freedom, in selection of choice of careers to teenagers, Parents by and large do feel the necessity of thinking that theirs wards are still immature in worldly affairs. Whatsoever happens is not the matter; but the blame of failures is generally and always attributed to the mother. I have seen numerous mothers dedicating their lives, only for the sake of their families, but they still get discredited for many avoidable happenings. I also feel such attitude of parent is far from responsible parent. Just by giving freedom of choice does not absolve parents from over all responsibility of guiding their wards career.

I, thus, define the Ambiguous Preferences as:

“The indecisive state of mind of parent’s in counseling and guiding their teenagers’ at the most crucial stage of their life’s Decision Making between the age of 13 to 18”.

My interaction with a large number of parents has further revealed that they generally leave the choice of making decision of their careers to their wards not because the wards are matured enough but due to:

· One; fear of their wards not accepting their decision, thus, leaning them humiliated or insulted;

· Two; most of the parents on the pretext of “New Generation Theme” (NGT) do not whole heartedly commit in educating their teenagers. Whatsoever, decision is taken by teenagers, parents despite having reservation and hesitation do no oppose. Infact parents meekly agree their teenagers decisions only to regret and through blame on their wards. Such parents only support their wards financially in achieving their goal. They generally feel relived of the responsibility of blame of their wards failures; or if wards have gone astray in life. How my readers evaluate the perception needs special mention?

· Three; often, it is seen that some of the teenagers reflect very dominant and egomaniacal behavior to conceal their errors and thus try to assert their authorities with parents. I would suggest that parents need to maintain a very close interaction and good communication skill to deal with such teenagers;

· Four; it is witnessed in certain cases that both teenagers and parents are partially responsible for some or the other errors, but teenagers exploit their parents due to one or the other reasons. I suggest that parents should be firm and decide what is good for the teenagers is accepted as gospel;

· Five; some timid teenagers regularly create fearsome atmosphere at home and outside as well. I suggest that parents should frequently interact with teachers to ascertain their teenagers’ actual progress and decide their future.

· Six; in contrast to timid over a percent teenagers are over sensitive. They become Book Worm and develop I named it “Parrot Memory Symptom (PMS) Psychic due to which they score very high marks during examination but rarely perform well during competitive examinations. Such teenagers live between True, Virtual and Default Memory Disorder (TVDMD). Though such teenager’s possess extremely high knowledge but if they get struck, they take it as a challenge; and fail while trying to solve the problems.

My endeavor in understanding the psychic of parents and teenagers above is

based on an in depth study. It is also observed that timid and over sensitive teenagers often commit suicide even on very minor irritant of life. Such teenager AP should be guided till the time they select a well defined path in life.

I hope that I have driven the issue home in the mind of future and probable parents that it is they have to set the correct course of life of their teenagers and not the other way round. To eliminate the AP syndrome forever, I recommend that;

• Firstly; parents should select two to three fields of career choices for their teenagers;
• Secondly; Start preparing your wards immediately after he or she has passed eight standard and entered ninth class;
• Thirdly; keep frequently reminding you teenagers that which line you prefer and why based on his/her capabilities;
• Fourthly; regularly judge your teenager’s performance to assess his TVDMD state of mind to finally guide his/her career after passing 10th standard;
• Fifthly; Always give three to four career choices to your teenager and not only one or two choice which parents like;
• Sixthly; discuss and debate the final choice of career with your wards after passing 10th Standard and also after mid examination of 11th Standard. It would involve all and consensus decision would help your teenagers to prepare well for any challenge to meet;
• Seventhly; never leave decision to your wards only choice but assist him in making the only choice best from other available career choices;
• Eighthly; at last I would suggest that parents should make final CPC after debating with in family. Generally involve teacher, self and teenager before divulging the final choice to your ward. If even your ward reflects an iota of doubt please give him liberty to change and not force to follow.

I am sure that if parents act with all the above elements in mind and select the CPC with due deliberations and debate no teenagers would commit suicide unless some third factors are imposed on them. I would debate about Third Suicidal Factors (TSF), which have driven quite a few of my teenagers to suicide in the past in my next article. Readers’ views are solicited at som_kalpna@yahoo.com.